Romantic….But am I hopeless?

 

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Hello Lovers ( I have missed that greeting)

The term ” Hope Less Romantic” is honestly the most frightening combination of words for me, in our entire English language. Listen , I feel like I have touched on this briefly before, but allow me to reiterate. I GREW UP ON ROMANTIC BASED ENTERTAINMENT. Literally anything I consumed on my journey to adulthood was based on love. My favorite shows growing up were Xena, Charmed , and Sailor Moon ( Let’s revisit why my mother literally allowed me to watch charmed at the age of 5 later) and in all of these shows there was a major love story connected. Honestly all of those show’s featured “EPIC” Love Stories. I mean take, Charmed for example. Piper and Leo literally changed Heaven and Earth for the sake of their love for each other. Or Sailor Moon, Serena literally relied on her love for Darien to empower her so she could save the world.

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That’s what scares me. I’ve grown up seeing these examples of Epic love, and these examples have literally shaped my expectations of love in my life. And before you guys say it, I have shaped my expectations to be realistic. But my generation……whew lawd      I am honestly….and truthfully ….tired. Exhausted. At this point, I honestly dont know whether I want to give up on love, go celibate and join a monastery,  or open myself up to accepting things I know won’t make me happy. No literally. Honestly at this point, in my life I have no interest in attempting to build or develop anything with anyone. I just dont have the energy to even attempt to trust anyone with my feelings. Which sucks for someone like me, a person who wholeheartedly believes in true love. I think my faith has stalled in the idea that I personally will ever find it. I honestly don’t trust myself to be able to spot, find and nurture any kind of love at this point. ( Wow HOW DID we get here …….Im literally crying writing this) no but that literally scares me. My views on life, love, friends, friendships, bonds, trust, have changed so drastically over the past 2 months. At this point I dont even know that I deserve any of those things. ( JESUS, How did we get here?)

 

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I think I’ll end this post here.

 

 

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